moving back

I am in the midst of completing my application to Loyola New Orleans. I'm excited about being home again, and I've decided to make an effort to save up enough money to make my own home with my best friend once we are able to afford an apartment. The two of us have been house-hunting for the past few days and have already stumbled upon a place that seems quite fitting for the two of us. Although it's rather expensive, it's a place we immediately fell in love with, and I'm certain we will be able to maintain a stable job in order to afford this housing. We're very particular on having cleanliness, enough space, and special amenities for residents, and this complex meets all of our expectations. This is where we intend on staying: http://www.americancanapts.com/Apartments/module/company_property_info/company_property%5Bid%5D/6090/. I can't wait to make this my home. But at $1450 a month, I don't know how soon that will be! I'm thinking of getting two jobs this summer to save up enough money so I won't have to work ridiculous hours while I'm in school. There's only a few more weeks left of school! I can't wait for summer.

Home

I've been spending a lot of time at home. I feel extremely out of place here, and I just want to move back home. I have no motivation to do any school work because of several things that have happened in my life recently coupled with the fact that I'm miserable here. Things have been very difficult, and it always feels like a constant struggle to reach the bare minimum. My grades have slipped a bit, but I'm trying harder than ever to concentrate on school and school alone. I can't afford to jeopardize my GPA the way I have this semester. I just don't enjoy this semester nearly as much as last. I was passionate about learning and getting all of my work done in the fall semester. It's very rewarding to get good grades, but i lack interest in the subjects I'm currently taking, which doesn't make it any easier to get my work done in a timely manner. The school I want to transfer to, my parents don't approve of, and since I am not able to pay for my own education, I have to abide by their rules. Despite the fact that I am 19 and perfectly capable of making my own decisions, recognizing the consequences (both good and bad) of my actions, and determining whether or not I should pursue the task at hand, I am treated as if I am 14 and in high school. I never considered my parents to be particularly strict, especially considering I've given them a bit of trouble in the past and probably deserved my punishments and my parents' overprotective nature, but I do feel as though I've grown and matured a great deal and it is as if my parents are stuck in the past. They are not willing to move forward and look beyond the mistakes I've made as a young adolescent. It has been years since I've caused any real trouble within my household, and I just think it's time to allow me to do what I think is best for myself. I understand that I still live under their roof and subsequently must live by their rules, however there is hardly ever any compromise between us and I feel it's unfair. I have gained very little trust and very little freedom from my parents as I've aged, and I envy my friends who are taking full responsibility for their lives and becoming independent individuals. I shouldn't feel like I have to ask permission to take my car somewhere or go hang out with my friends. I have a curfew, which is a relatively reasonable curfew, but the idea behind having one makes me feel like my freedom is limited though I am supposed to be considered an adult. Also, my parents complain about never seeing me come out of my room to engage in conversation with them. The fact of the matter is, I don't want to talk to them. I still feel I have a close relationship with them, but I've gotten so frustrated with the circumstances of my situation that I could just erupt in anger at any given moment. That would only hurt my chances of escaping the clutches of my parents. It won't help that my grades have dropped, but I honestly and whole-heartedly believe my lack of interest in this school and the classes I'm taking and my longing to be home have directly impacted my grades in a negative way. I know for a fact that if I were able to be home in New Orleans, I would be more than willing to spend as much time needed getting my work done first. I have taught myself the importance of doing work first THEN play, and I have enough self-discipline to maintain and execute this plan of action. I think it is important for parents to understand and respect their children's dreams and aspirations and what they believe to be in THEIR best interest. I've vocalized this to my parents, but I get the same response time and time again. My mom loves to bring up the fact that I've caused my family a great deal of grief from my sophomore and junior years of high school, but senior year, I got my act together and have since then proved to my parents what I'm capable of accomplishing in school. My parents continue to use the same excuse of "proving to them I can do better", which I feel I've done within the past two years. I received the highest GPA my first year of college than I ever have in my educational career, and I think that shows a glimpse of the direction I'm headed in both my school life and personal life. I only want what's best for me, as do my parents, but I think I know a little more about myself and what WILL be best for me than my parents do at this point in my life, and I want them to acknowledge that. At this point I feel like I'm digressing from that path simply because I have no interest in pursing a long-term career at Southern Miss. It is not the school I wish to attend because I don't think it is right for me. I have yet to develop a solid relationship with any of my peers here, not because I don't want to, but because the people I've encountered have very different mindsets, perspectives, opinions, interests, beliefs, etc. from me. Because of this I view these people as meer acquaintances rather than friends. But to be honest, making long-term friends here is probably the least of my worries. I didn't come here to make friends, I came to get an education, which is exactly what I'm doing, it's just not the experience I want for myself. My mom thinks New Orleans is a bad atmosphere to live in, which it probably was leaving high school, but I visit home every weekend with my mother (she lives and works here while my dad lives and works in New Orleans, but they're not divorced so we go to New Orleans every weekend) so I don't see how I could maintain any close relationships with anyone in Hattiesburg like my mom has asked me to do. She thinks I'm not trying hard to enough to make friends and become an active part of the school, which is true in some ways but not entirely. I just don't feel comfortable going to school here and would rather get the same education provided here in a place where I feel at home. For some reason, I think it would give me incentive to do better in school if I moved home. I woud be happy.

my life is yellow lines, concrete, and parliament butts

I'm in the midst of drawing a tattoo for my boyfriend. Drawing is the only artistic outlet i seem to keep up with. I wouldn't say I'm particularly good at it, but I enjoy it. I've been trying to save up for another tattoo as well. I have an almost unhealthy fascination with them, and it seems like once you start to mark your body you can't stop! I feel like it gives me a voice and it says something about me without me having to say a word. The tattoo I'm drawing has a bit of a contemporary, urban feel to it. It's the skyline of New Orleans with random other elements of the city incorporated into it. There's a bit of grafitti here and there, and I think this project has really taught me to appreciate the world of hip hop. My boyfriend is involved in the underground scene, and I think it's starting to rub off on me. I've always enjoyed the underground scene and anything that develops within it, but lately I've been really paying attention to what these artists are trying to say. To me, it's all about the message. You can have your million dollar record deal, fancy cars, and Cristal; I want something with depth and insight. I want to experience the story from the artist's perspective, and with people like Slug of Atmosphere and Aesop Rock, you really are able to envision what they're saying. It's like street poetry to me. I really respect these groups for caring about the message, the fans, the underground, and the local scenes rather than doing it for the money. Money isn't want counts. You can hear in their voices the passion they have for what they do, and that's admirable in anyone. I can see the fire in my boyfriend because hip hop is his heart, and hopefully I'll be able to witness and assist him in his pursuit of happiness.

keep your coins, i want change

finally, a beacon of hope after 8 long years. it feels good having been able to participate in this election, and i couldn't be any happier with the outcome. it's a very progressive stride towards stability for america, in my opinion, and i have to say i'm proud of my country for recognizing the fact that change is vital and necessary right now. i think obama is the answer and a step in the right direction. it seems appropriate that this inauguration coincides with martin luther king jr. day, and i'm honestly amazed at the fact that i have participated in and witnessed history in the making. i'll let this picture speak for itself:

over the summer i visited my uncle in san diego and he was (and still is) so genuinely excited for what could be. so excited he even wrote a song about it:



needless to say, january 21, 2009 was a monumental day in history, and i'm looking forward to what the future holds for us. in the meantime i'll be in the cracks of obama's couch finding CHAAAAAAANGE, son! and like i told the waitress today when she asked me if i needed change, "nope, obama's got that covered."

ps. i'm getting on my next, NEXT level and recreating this masterpiece once i fix my sewing machine!


ignore katy perry's face. she is irrelevant.